I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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