Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
