i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
