You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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