I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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