TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
