Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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