Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
