I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
