From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
