this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
