We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Shame - the story of my life.
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