if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
