heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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