I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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