how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
