fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
