At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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