One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You need Xanax blowdarts
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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