so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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