I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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