There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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