I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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