cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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