My nipple is on Facebook.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
