She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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