david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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