i permit you to call me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
