I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
