can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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