i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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