I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
