And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
