You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
