Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
