I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
