I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Randomize
