if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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