Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize