I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
