UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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