Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
