I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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