I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
