I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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