OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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