You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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