Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
