Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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