Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
