HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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