I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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