the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Still dying that you shit outside
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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