there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
