The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
