I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
