Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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