bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
