She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
