hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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