you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
