I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
