fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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