Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
