So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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