so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
