Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
