guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
