So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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