so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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