haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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