Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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