If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
