Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
