one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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