hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
3pm strippers are depressing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
