why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
