Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
