This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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