he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
