There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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